I don’t mean relationships, I don’t seem to have a problem committing to the wrong men at all and I am a pro at that I have however backed off from dating for the time being so I can actually focus on what it is I want. That being said, if something comes up such as it does in life, I’ll roll with it from there. I know what I want in the long-run, but I’m not in a rush to get there.
I have an issue committing to a career, a life style adjustment, goals, routines, ECT. Clearly, it must be fear, right? I mean, why else are people afraid to commit? I feel like I can’t finish anything I start to do!
I don’t know what I want to do with my life; I am now 26 and feel like I should have a clue. I do not! I want to make a difference in people’s life, or at least at this point that is what I want. I want some sort of satisfaction out of a career. I’ve thought about being a police officer, but when it comes down to it, I just don’t think I am tough enough for that. No matter what I do, it requires me to go back to school. Which I’ve put off for the last eight years because I didn’t want to waste time and money since I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to go for.
With all I’ve been through I’ve always considered being a nurse. I worry that I will be desensitized to people and emotion after time. They deal with so much in the course of their careers; I don’t want to have that take a toll on the person I am. I do however want to make a difference and help people; it might be a way for me to heal a little bit more. Again, I am just not sure. It’s at least a two year commitment to schooling so I want to make SURE that this is what I want to do.
I’d like to actually start something and finish it, whatever it might be, even if it’s just something simple. I don’t know if I just get bored or if I get too busy starting other new things that the previous things get swept under the rug.
I have a lot of books that I’ve wanted to read and I keep putting them on the shelf. They aren’t going to read themselves, right? There are several I need to read, for my own well being on how to cope with the things I am going through. Or the ones that make me believe in love stories, or photography books to expand my knowledge to become a better photographer. Reading more is definitely on my list of things to do and complete.
I want to be happy in life, love & whatever else I do. I don’t feel happy. I am not happy with certain aspects of myself and I really need to commit to making a change. I would love to eat healthier and get back in shape. I feel like if I changed that aspect of myself I would be happier. I think about it all the time, I start changing my lifestyle and before I know it I am back at square one.
I know I am the only one that can make any self-improvements and it starts with me. That being said, Brooke and I have vowed to start an intense workout routine. There is a gym by her place that has a great personal trainer, he’s very cost efficient and is there six days a week. I want to feel better; I want to look better, for myself. Of course I was told “If someone loves you, they love you the way you are” and while I agree, I’m not sure I love me. I love the person I am, but I don’t love how I look.
So, back on track….We are starting tonight. I want to try to make it six days a week for at least two months. I know I can’t commit to that right away with my issues. I am going to commit to it one week at a time. I like the feeling I get from working out, the issue is the next day when I am sore I give my body too much “recovery time” and end up not going back. Or I don’t see the results soon enough. I don’t have the issue putting in the work, I just like the instant satisfaction. Which of course you don’t get right away with working out! I figured if Brooke and I have each other it will be easier to have someone else motivate me as well.
Hell, I might even start another blog on my progress! I’m going to try to work out my life, one commitment issue at a time. Work out here I come
0 comments:
Post a Comment